Friday, June 29, 2007
Thursday, June 21, 2007
Your Home Field Advantage
Give the more zealous portion of your fanbase a religion. What's this cult following? Feel free to give the splitters a derogatory nickname.
Gamecock fans fall into three camps: the realists, the pessimists and the insane. Anyone that is familiar with SEC blogs knows that about 70% of Gamecock fans on the internet fall into the third category. I really want to know which team they’re watching, because I see no MNC in our near future, but they’re always carrying on about it like the Gamecocks are equipped with Panzers this season. Personally, I am a realist/pessimist, but only a realist when very, very drunk. So I’d give the insane Gamecock fans a Jim Jones cult.
Your biggest rival is in town, and College Gameday is coming....to your citaaaaaaay... Create a blatant corporate sellout promotion to appeal to the mass unwashed.
Easy. Stuffed-animal tigers, soaked in gasoline, and instead of cotton or whatever, they are stuffed with fireworks. Only on sale after 9pm Friday before the Clemson-Carolina game.
Add one local delicacy to your stadium's concessions. Post-tax pricing is optional.
Mustard-based barbecue. Arguing over barbecue is like arguing over which religion is better, but I stand by the
The good stuff.
With an unlimited AD budget, add or subtract one thing to your school's gameday experience that has nothing to do with football.
Can I buy wins? Short of that, I’d want to expand the
I'm using this image as often as I can.
General NCAA questions
Coin a hilariously unrealistic stereotype that you would like to "make stick" for this upcoming season.
A reality tv show is following around the Seventh Floor Crew as they contemplate life post-Buddhist conversion and where to go on pilgrimage—to the Bodhi Tree or to the monasteries of
Redesign your conference or independent schedule with reckless abandon. Be prepared to include compensation for jilted schools and conferences in your explanation.
I’d like to see the Gamecocks play FSU, but only if we can get in our time machines and play last year too. I’d also like to see the UNC-USC tilt become a regular occurrence, but this looks to be impossible. So we drop SC State from the schedule so far. I’d also like to see
Evan Williams Green Label: When black simply doesn't get you drunk enough.
Following up on your new realignment, blow up the BCS and devise a national playoff system, money grabs and missed exams be damned. Using your new fantasy conferences is optional.
Top four team playoff would be my system. The bowls would begin the Monday after Christmas and would be played two a night, one at 5:30 and one at 8. On Saturday, the two first round games would be played. The following week, the various conference champs left out of the playoffs would play each other, along traditional lines (B10-PAC10, SEC-ACC) or highest ranked vs. highest ranked. These would take place on Monday night and Thursday night. The rest of the bowls would take place this week too. Championship game would be held on Saturday night, time and place TBA.
Elect one public figure to replace NCAA president Myles Brand. Anyone with proper name recognition is eligible.
Does this have to be a real figure? Because if not, I’d be torn between Bill Brasky or Mark Antony from HBO’s
Saturday, June 16, 2007
Firstly, obligatory Sopranos final episode post. I have been watching the show since it started, and I’m roughly Meadow’s age in the show, so the post-Sopranos HBO world will be interesting. Right now I’m into Big Love (polygamy is weird!—more on this show at a later time) and just wish that another season of
Bob Barker signed off on Friday for the last time. Now it is generally well-known that this show is an American institution, but the better American institution that I associate with it is a little different. There is nothing better than waking up, turning this on and then cursing some dumb motherfucker out because s/he can’t correctly guess a seemingly random number from 0 to 9 in order to win a car. I engaged in this on Friday. “EIGHT YOU DUMBASS!!!” Oh and if you’re jealous of me being able to wake up at 11:15am on a Friday, don’t be. If you’re employed at all you probably have more money than me right now. Ahh, grad school!
The movie “Knocked Up”: If you enjoy comedies at all, go and see this. Right now. Seriously, stop looking at porn and go see this. It’s a rare date movie that, I think, could be enjoyed by both men and women. Probably the funniest conservative movie ever.
War film review: This time, I’ll be doing “Piece of Cake,” a Masterpiece Theater miniseries about a fighter squadron during the first year of World War Two. This thing has lots of cool aerial cinematography, plot twists, a little romance, class conflict and five hours of running time lead up to a stunning conclusion during the Battle of Britain. It shows some real character development and this helps out the miniseries tremendously. Each loss is felt because one is familiar with the character enough to give more than a “…eeh.” It also shows just how close the RAF was to utter destruction in the summer of 1940. I should probably do more on this, but maybe at a later time.
Why should you see this: Great acting jobs all around, compelling storyline. Enough gratuitous Spitfire shots for me to safely label it “Spitfire porn.” See it if this youtubedness interests you.
Why you shouldn’t: Builds up slowly, but I still say “see it.”
Finally, Spurrier photoshop:
Thursday, June 7, 2007
OK so I missed posting this on June 6th, but in order to make up for it, my first installment of action/war movie reviews will be The Longest Day. When one uses the term “epic,” The Longest Day is what should be envisioned. Daryl F. Zanuck’s 1962 film about the invasion of Normandy in 1944 weighs in at around three hours and is jam-packed with plot, historical accuracy and most of all, stars. I’ll attempt to list the ones I know here:
Eddie Albert (Green Acres)
Paul Anka (singer)
Red Buttons (Poseidon Adventure)
Peter Lawford (Mrs. Miniver, member of the Rat Pack)
Roddy Mc Dowell (Cornelius from Planet of the Apes)
Sal Mineo (Rebel Without a Cause)
Robert Ryan (60’s version of “That Guy”)
Rod Steiger (In the Heat of the Night, On the Waterfront, Dr Zhivago)
Thousands of real-life men were used to recreate the invasion. Shooting took place on location in
Good things about this movie: Scale. D-Day was THE most epic invasion in history, and this film provides that through its endless parade of stars and its length. It is also the quintessential “victory lap” war film, glorifying sacrifice (otherwise known as death) for the Allied cause and, while providing a human face to the German opponents, wholeheartedly condemning Hitler from both the German and Allied perspectives. The movie, while not accurately depicting combat, is accurate at depicting many of the key events of the invasion. It can, and is, seen as a historically accurate depiction of the D-Day landings.
Bad things: Length. It’s about three hours long. While I find “victory lap” films entertaining, I also think that at a certain level, they’re cynical ploys to attract movie goers by not showing the true nature of war. And like I said above, this is the quintessential victory lap film.
Verdict: It should be seen because it is a classic and has so many stars, but should be viewed in the correct context. It should also be viewed in order to correctly recognize what movies like Full Metal Jacket, Platoon, Apocalypse Now, Hamburger Hill or Saving Private Ryan were in response to. Personally, I do enjoy it.
Interesting facts: The movie has four principal directors, one for each nationality: French, German, British and American. According to Wikipedia (which should be trusted above all else), it stars not only Sean Connery, but two Bond villans, Karl Stromberg from The Spy Who Loved Me, and my favorite Bond villain, Auric “No Mr Bond, I expect you to die!” Goldfinger.
Also, Daryl Zanuck was brought back in by Fox to oversee the completion of this movie and the completion of another legendary epic, Cleopatra. Let me say that again: The Longest Day and Cleopatra were being produced at the same time by Fox. In 1961.
Wednesday, June 6, 2007
Welcome to the first post of Third Down Draw. I will be your resident hack, Robert. Ok so a little about the setup of the blog and what will be covered. Firstly, this will be about how I will cope with the unforgiving force that is South Carolina Gamecock football. Secondly, this will be about the SEC games that I watch each week, and then thirdly I will think about discussing other national games of note. On Wednesdays, the ghost of Jean-Paul Marat, who has inhabited my body since smoking some serious weed in Amsterdam, will come on and offer his “Heroes of the Revolution” and “Traitors to the Cause.” Also, I’ll be covering movies that I like and other random shit that I feel others should know about. First, a disclaimer. I claim to know little about college football or just about anything at all, really. However, in the great tradition of the Internet, this will not keep me from spewing forth random words grouped into sentences and those sentences grouped into paragraphs. I will try and make them coherent.
Now, a little about me. I am a recent graduate of the
I’ll conclude this post with some of the things a reader can expect from this blog during the summer months, when I am only taking one class and thus have some free time.
- An in-depth analysis of what will be my favorite video game, NCAA 08. I have an Xbox360 and the only time I really get to use it is in the summer. This rundown will include: a report on all top 25 teams (best players, playbook features, “money plays,” etc), my own Create a Playbook feature, and a summary with Best Seemingly Shitty Teams to Fool Your Friends With and a crowning of the Best Team in NCAA 08.
- I will also be running down my favorite action/war movies of all time. I’ve seen quite a few war movies, especially of the World War Two variety, and I think this knowledge needs to be shared with the fifteen or so people that will make up my audience.
- I will give my interpretation of Gamecock history, my personal cult of worship to Steve Spurrier, and a half-baked analysis of the upcoming season.
- My shitty Spurrier photoshop creations.
Thanks and I hope you come back.